Crescent Form

I miss you today and

The sky is more blue than I swear it has ever been
It reminds me of your skin looked in cold temperature,
The way your hands would curl from lack of circulation
I miss them too.

It rained yesterday and it reminded me of
How much we both loved thunderstorms and

falling asleep to the sound of them.

I noticed how well you slept next to me.

Maybe it’s because I am more of a hurricane than anything else,
The way my downpour comes in tidal waves.

I miss you so effortlessly
I do without trying to
Like a body held still with phantom limbs
Like hands that reach forward out of habit

and discover a part now missing.

I have learned how it feels to long for the nonexistent
To wake in the morning to an absence of comfort

laying where you used to rest your head.
Some days I don't want to get out of bed

but I do because you would have wanted me to
Like the way the sun wants to watch trees grow instead of hear branches snap
I never intended to split directly in half
but the winter is colder than I expected it to be and
My skin has turned bark in its roughness,
It is cracking in too many places and it is not very pretty to look at.
I spent too long creating myself out of iron
for you to have to see me rust like this.
I'm sorry.

There are things I want to tell you but
They are things I cannot tell you
Because your ears are not here to listen and if I were to,
The confession would make me more vulnerable than I ever intended on being,
It would scrape me raw and paint me weak, and you’d just stand there

looking into me.

My sense of direction has always been shaky

but now every route to future is tangled in your veins.
I am used to tracing them to get home and
I don't know how to get there anymore.

24 hours have never seemed longer than they do now and
Nights come much sooner when there is no reason to go outside.
I have learned that the sun can't blind you if you don't show your face to it
I stay in out of precaution.

I want to tell you about the moon
That it seems to be growing bigger and bigger

as I shrink into myself further and
I can't remember a time when I felt as whole

as she appears glowing against blackness.
If only I looked that beautiful in half, 
in crescent form.