Prepping for a crisis

Prepping for a crisis

We fool ourselves into thinking we can prep for a crisis.
As if having the knowledge that you were about to be struck by lightning,
would somehow ease the pain. 

We smile and mark our calendars with an “X”
August 28^th, 2016 -“HEARTBREAK”
Pencil in the hurt.
Count down the days.
As if these daily reminders,
would keep us from crying
when every bone in our body shatters.

Place post-it notes beside photos of your loved one.
“Everything is impermanent.”
Use your finger to trace his face
on mist that clings to a mirror.
(Much like the way one clings to hope)
Watch him disappear before your eyes.
After all,
practice, as they say,
makes perfect.

Hold his hand in the dark.
Memorize every fold,
the length of his palm,
the shape of his nails,
the rhythmic squeezes.
Afterward, hold you own hand.
When the bad days come,
you’ll be ready.

Take the word “goodbye” out for a spin.
It feels too big on your lips.
Write it down on flashcards. Quiz yourself.
Good·bye  (interj)
           Used to express an acknowledgment of parting.
“Acknowledgment” is not a synonym for “ready.” 

Resent the clock deeply.
People always say to live as if there were no tomorrow,
But I desperately want to live, (as cruel as it may be),
 as if there were a tomorrow with him.